Well, it happened....as much as I dreaded it....as much as I wished the day would never come......it happened anyway. My baby girl, my only baby girl......my little, tiny.....well you get the picture...SHE TURNED 18 !!!!!
I am having a harder time with her turning 18, than when I turned 40 (god that looks bad, maybe I should have spelled out that number!!) At any rate, I guess I never thought that the day would come when I would want time to stop and be able to turn back the clock. Hell, most days I can't wait for the hands to run around the clock. I really didn't even care about turning back the clock knowing I was turning forty (yea... looks much better spelled out!!). BUT this is a totally different story.
She truly has been a light at the end of every tunnel I have found myself crawling through for the last 18 years of my life anyway. I remember what a wonderful baby she was (after she finally decided to grace us with her presence that is!!). I remember how happy she was in the mornings - and for the most part she still is a pretty happy person in the mornings. I have always gone into her room in the morning with my usual "good morning baby girl" and she still gets the same smile on her face now that she did when she was a baby. She doesn't know it, but most days that is what makes my day great from the start. Who needs folgers, I have her. I am really struggling with this senior year, turning 18, preparing for college, etc. etc. etc. I am just not ready for her to be an adult and move on with her life. I know, what a selfish mother I am huh? Don't get me wrong here, I will never hold her back, and I wish her the very best (obviously) that life has to offer out there, but I don't want her to do it without me. It's not that I don't think she can - just that I want to be a part of everything she does. I have always tried to be her friend and for the most part I know we are - but I am a mother first and a friend second and that at times is difficult for her. She knows what I tolerate and what I absolutely detest and thankfully has never really pushed the envelope with me (knocking on wood here...) She has made some wrong decisions at times, but has fully fessed up and we have dealt with them and both learned from them. She has also made some very mature decisions, so I know she can go out into that big, bad, scary, adult world with a good head on her shoulders and make the world her own. The problem I am having is that little voice inside my head keeps telling me that she is still a baby and needs to be protected all the time. Can I let go, so she can grow??? (oh my.......I need to stop this - that sounded really corny) Any advice???????
That clears the web for now..........
I am having a harder time with her turning 18, than when I turned 40 (god that looks bad, maybe I should have spelled out that number!!) At any rate, I guess I never thought that the day would come when I would want time to stop and be able to turn back the clock. Hell, most days I can't wait for the hands to run around the clock. I really didn't even care about turning back the clock knowing I was turning forty (yea... looks much better spelled out!!). BUT this is a totally different story.
She truly has been a light at the end of every tunnel I have found myself crawling through for the last 18 years of my life anyway. I remember what a wonderful baby she was (after she finally decided to grace us with her presence that is!!). I remember how happy she was in the mornings - and for the most part she still is a pretty happy person in the mornings. I have always gone into her room in the morning with my usual "good morning baby girl" and she still gets the same smile on her face now that she did when she was a baby. She doesn't know it, but most days that is what makes my day great from the start. Who needs folgers, I have her. I am really struggling with this senior year, turning 18, preparing for college, etc. etc. etc. I am just not ready for her to be an adult and move on with her life. I know, what a selfish mother I am huh? Don't get me wrong here, I will never hold her back, and I wish her the very best (obviously) that life has to offer out there, but I don't want her to do it without me. It's not that I don't think she can - just that I want to be a part of everything she does. I have always tried to be her friend and for the most part I know we are - but I am a mother first and a friend second and that at times is difficult for her. She knows what I tolerate and what I absolutely detest and thankfully has never really pushed the envelope with me (knocking on wood here...) She has made some wrong decisions at times, but has fully fessed up and we have dealt with them and both learned from them. She has also made some very mature decisions, so I know she can go out into that big, bad, scary, adult world with a good head on her shoulders and make the world her own. The problem I am having is that little voice inside my head keeps telling me that she is still a baby and needs to be protected all the time. Can I let go, so she can grow??? (oh my.......I need to stop this - that sounded really corny) Any advice???????
That clears the web for now..........
2 comments:
Wow... No advice, but tears. It makes me feel old too, I can remember Grandpa hauling ass all the way to the hospital with me and Brian in the backseat, making a drive that should've been an hour in closer to 30 minutes...
She is a beautiful young woman and I'm proud of her and all she's accomplished, and I'm proud of you for nurturing that.
Thanks Erica - you know - I remember when you were born too - NOW THAT'S what makes a person feel old!! Cherish every minute with those angels of yours - time goes soooo fast and memories are all we have left.
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