Thursday, October 18, 2007

The BLAH's (or was that blues??)

Lately I have felt rather blah......not really sure why......maybe it's the change in seasons, since I am a very fair weather kinda gal, and I am NOT looking forward to winter and the friggin' snow. Maybe it's Chanelle turning 18 and knowing I have to let her go. Maybe its that Dakota, my 13 year old stepson (who I love like my own), is struggling in school right now and I am too stupid to help with the DAMN algebra he has. At any rate, I have no idea as to why I have the blah's but I DO and THEY SUCK!!!

To add to this blah situation, I work in a place that for the most part doesn't help in the area of cheering people up, that is unless the gavel (in the courtroom) swings their way. Now most of the time, it really doesn't matter to me which way the gavel swings, but there are times when it is just down right unjust. I have to do my job no matter what, but it is easier when I agree with the sentencing and feel that fairness was considered. I will say that for the most part, our Judge sentences people appropriately and I only disagree about a quarter of the time.

I can't really go into anything in great detail (names and such) as these are real people and real situations (confidentiality issues...you undertand), but sometimes the punishments just don't fit the crime. The Judge I work with most is a wonderful man. He has a bigger heart than any Judge I have ever known. He cares about people so much that he put a homeless man in our drug court. (That was a little tricky there, considering he had to have an address and phone to be eligible to participate to begin with.) But, as the Judge said, we worked it out and now that man is doing remarkably well. It will be a while before he is completely back on his feet, but he has a job, a place to live, a cell phone and some money in his pocket. I tell you, when the Judge sentenced him, I thought he had lost his friggin' mind (the Judge I mean). I thought the cheese had done slipped off the cracker there. The story goes something like this....the homeless man got a DUI (Driving under the influence) while traveling through our town on his way to court in another jurisdiction (for the same offense I believe). His truck was towed (and later re-possessed) due to the amount of incarceration he had to serve. He was released from our jail into the hands of the jurisdiction he was on his way to, with the promise he made to our Judge that he would return to our county and apply for our Drug Court. My Judge had to talk (email) a lot to convince the Judges in the other jurisdiction that he would take this gentleman back and put him in our drug court and make a normal ordinary responsible person (NORP - a term the drug court uses - would be the opposite of slick or slug - we'll save that for another blog) out of him. One of the Judges that he emailed actually laughed in his return email, one Judge refused to believe that this gentleman could be helped and then finally a Judge decided to give the guy a shot, once he completed a certain period of incarceration time. I honestly didn't think I would ever hear from the homeless man again. But, much to my surprise, I got a call from the guy the day after he was released from the other jurisdiction. We bought him a bus ticket from there to here and he has been a productive member of our drug court since. I guess there is a lesson to be learned there....never second guess the Judge. He truly is the wizard (also for another blog).

I know the Judge's wisdom far exceeds mine and I really try hard not to second guess or arm-chair quarterback him or any other Judge for that matter. I don't have the coldest heart in the county like most people may believe. I think, for the most part, I truly care about people, or I wouldn't do what I do. I see justice served most days and I am very grateful to live where I do. There aren't many crimes that would make a person's blood boil around here and that's a good thing because for those really horrific crimes my idea of the punishment is no longer acceptable, but you know there are times when I wish I could hear a sentencing go something like it did many years ago.......
The following is a verbatim transcript of a sentence imposed upon a defendant convicted of murder in the Federal District Court of the Territory of New Mexico by a United States Judge sitting in Taos in an adobe stable used as a temporary courtroom.
"Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, in a few short weeks it will be spring. The snows of winter will flee away, the ice will vanish and the air will become soft and balmy. In short, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, the annual miracle of the year's awakening will come to pass-----but you won't be here.
The rivulet will run its purring course to the sea, the timid desert flowers will put forth their tender shoots, the glorious valleys of the imperial domain will blossom as the rose; still you won't be here to see.
From every treetop some wild woods songster will carol his mating song, butterflies will sport in the sunshine, the busy bee will hum happily as it pursues its accustomed vocation, the gentle breeze will tease the tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, will be glad but you. You won't be here to enjoy it because I command the sheriff or some other officer or officers of this county to lead you out to some remote spot, swing you by the neck from a nodding bough of some sturdy oak and let you hang until you are dead.
And then, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, I further command that such officer or officers retire quickly from your dangling corpse, that the vultures may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body, until nothing shall remain but the bare, bleached bones of a cold-blooded, copper-colored, blood-thirsty, throat-cutting, chili-eating, sheepherding, murdering........."
(disclosure - I AM NOT A PREJUDICE PERSON, my last name (for those of you who know me) should explain enough, but this sentencing was awesome and would still have remained so in my mind if imposed on a "WHITE" person.)
Well....that definately clears the web...............

Monday, October 15, 2007

This is my life.....


Well, it happened....as much as I dreaded it....as much as I wished the day would never come......it happened anyway. My baby girl, my only baby girl......my little, tiny.....well you get the picture...SHE TURNED 18 !!!!!

I am having a harder time with her turning 18, than when I turned 40 (god that looks bad, maybe I should have spelled out that number!!) At any rate, I guess I never thought that the day would come when I would want time to stop and be able to turn back the clock. Hell, most days I can't wait for the hands to run around the clock. I really didn't even care about turning back the clock knowing I was turning forty (yea... looks much better spelled out!!). BUT this is a totally different story.

She truly has been a light at the end of every tunnel I have found myself crawling through for the last 18 years of my life anyway. I remember what a wonderful baby she was (after she finally decided to grace us with her presence that is!!). I remember how happy she was in the mornings - and for the most part she still is a pretty happy person in the mornings. I have always gone into her room in the morning with my usual "good morning baby girl" and she still gets the same smile on her face now that she did when she was a baby. She doesn't know it, but most days that is what makes my day great from the start. Who needs folgers, I have her. I am really struggling with this senior year, turning 18, preparing for college, etc. etc. etc. I am just not ready for her to be an adult and move on with her life. I know, what a selfish mother I am huh? Don't get me wrong here, I will never hold her back, and I wish her the very best (obviously) that life has to offer out there, but I don't want her to do it without me. It's not that I don't think she can - just that I want to be a part of everything she does. I have always tried to be her friend and for the most part I know we are - but I am a mother first and a friend second and that at times is difficult for her. She knows what I tolerate and what I absolutely detest and thankfully has never really pushed the envelope with me (knocking on wood here...) She has made some wrong decisions at times, but has fully fessed up and we have dealt with them and both learned from them. She has also made some very mature decisions, so I know she can go out into that big, bad, scary, adult world with a good head on her shoulders and make the world her own. The problem I am having is that little voice inside my head keeps telling me that she is still a baby and needs to be protected all the time. Can I let go, so she can grow??? (oh my.......I need to stop this - that sounded really corny) Any advice???????

That clears the web for now..........

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's NEW to me!!

So this is my first shot at something that I hope will be a stress relief and a way to express my opinions (right, wrong or indifferent) to others and get some feedback that could potentially broaden my horizons and maybe open my cynical mind a bit!!

My niece has been after me for some time to start this blog and assures me that it will help with my over-taxed mind and anxiety level.

I am, as stated in my profile, an adult misdemeanor probation officer and my main job is as the Drug Court Coordinator. I took over the coordinator position last August (2006) and it has been a struggle, but for the most part pretty rewarding to assist others in changing their lives.

I turned the "F" word (40) this year and so goes the struggles of the dreaded "middle age" that I was definitely dreading and am still hating the idea of. It took me the entire decade from 30 to 40 to accept that I was no longer 20 something - so I have decided that this last birthday was the last one that I will ever "Celebrate". I know turning 40 is better than the alternative and I am certainly not wanting my life to be over, but I cannot even begin to comprehend the idea of becoming 50 anything!!!

Most of my blogs will no doubt be nothing more than babbling about what ever may be on my feeble mind at the time, but hopefully will be entertaining at times to those that choose to read and leave comments.

Some may be wondering why I chose to title my blog site "Blackwidow's Web" - well - it's like this. My nickname for many years now has been "The Blackwidow" and was coined by my ex-husband. His last name being Black and our divorce was somewhat less than civil - so he starting calling me The Blackwidow - to everyone that would listen. Now, I find this a bit ironic since we all know what happens to the blackwidow's male counterpart once she has had enough of him. I have proudly carried the moniker since that time and pretty much everyone who knows me, knows me as "The Blackwidow". Hence the Blackwidow's Web signifies my own mind.

Okay - ya'll - that's it for now. Gotta wait for the web to fill with new morsals to write about!! Will post again soon - Please feel free to comment and give me ideas to blog about!!! Till then...................