Blackwidow's Web

WE FOUND HER!!!

2009-09-20T18:49:00.000-06:00

So, my last post was mainly about losing my precious Felony. But alas, she has been found. Here's the scoop......
About a week and a half ago, I was in the emergency room with my son (story for another time) in American Falls and got a call on my cell phone from a dear friend. She began by telling me that she had an extremely hard time getting ahold of me, had to contact my sister to find me since I am no longer on facebook. Then she told me how she remembered one of my last posts on facebook was that I had lost my dog. She said that she had decided to adopt a dog through the humane society and that when she went to look, she had in mind that she would try to find a smaller dog, who would be a great lap dog and companion. She saw this little frail female miniature pinscher who was deaf and had no teeth. She said that she was so in love with this little dog that she decided to talk to her husband about adopting it. She asked the lady to hold on to the dog and that she would talk to her husband and then call her. When she got home and talked to her husband, he had decided that the one dog they had was enough, but that if it meant that much to her, to go ahead. She debated on calling the woman back because something didn't feel right about adopting this little dog, but she couldn't put her finger on just what was bothering her about it. She said that she walked into a room in her house and as she turned the light on, a "light" popped on in her head and she remembered seeing my post on facebook and the picture of my precious Felony. She called the lady back and asked her if she had any history on this dog. The woman, who was fostering this little dog, said that the dog was found in American Falls over a month ago and that it had been taken to the animal clinic because they thought that she needed to be put down. The vet had notified her that the dog had been checked and other than being a bit thin, not having any teeth and being deaf, she had a strong heart and her lungs were clear. She had a bit of an ear infection, but that was starting to clear up. The woman said she would foster the dog until a good home could be found. Well at the point, my dear friend decided that this could possibly be my dog and she knew she had to get ahold of me. Which she did after having to call over hell's half acre to find me. After telling me the story and giving me the name and number of the dog's caretaker, I called the woman. She was wonderful and I described my dog.......she said that she was pretty sure that this was my dog and that if I could come and identify her that I could take her home. What a time for my son to be in the emergency room......and that wasn't the only ER we had to visit that night. The problem was bad enough that we had to go to Pocatello to the ER. My sister had called my daughter to ask her if she was aware that Felony may have been located. Well, needless to say, my daughter was dying to find out and get our baby back if it truly was her. At that point, I knew that I would not be out the hospital until some time after 9 pm and felt that Chanelle should probably go and identify her. I called the lady who had the dog and requested my daughter be the one who would come and identify her. She said that would be fine and gave me the directions to her house. Chanelle probably broke several land speed records getting out to her home. She called me as soon as she left crying her eyes out and telling me that it was in fact OUR FELONY. A miracle to say the least. My baby is now home, where she belongs and being watched like a hawk now. She is so fat now, it's absolutely pathetic, but I don't care. She is home, I am happy and relieved and I can't thank my dear friend enough for remembering and not letting it go!! Thank you my friend, GOD BLESS YOU today and always.

My blogs have been few and far between...but it's time!!

2009-08-23T12:53:00.003-06:00

Hey everyone in bloggerville.....not that anyone really reads this drivel, but hey it's a place to talk and a place to vent and sometimes we all just need to spew!!! I have had a horrible year so far and I hope that things are starting to look up.....but....everytime I say that things can't get worse.....SHIT happens!!! So, now having this knowledge....I will NEVER challenge worse again!!
I lost one of my dogs last week and it has almost killed me and my daughter. She was with us for the last 11 years and that is over half of my daughter's life. Felony was a miniature pinscher and the most loveable dog in the world. She was there for me when it didn't seem like anyone else was. I will miss her dearly. I just hope that where ever she is, she is happy, content and whole again.
I just started a new job about two weeks ago and so far, it's horrible. I will be in training for 7 weeks and although I know that is needed, it is awful!! I hope that the job improves once the training is over. I tell my kids to never quit a job until you have another one, and it sucks having to follow my own advice.
It's raining right now and that just makes things so glum and depressing. My daughter loves the rain. Well, she should move to the Seattle area, I hear it rains a lot there.
Anyway - I guess that's all I need to say for now....will write more later.
Til the web is full again....
T

GOD BLESS AMERICA & THOSE WHO PROTECT HER

2008-10-30T12:52:00.007-06:00

Hello all - it's been a while since my last posting. But, it's getting really close to election time and I am feeling really confused and unsure of what to do. I like some of the views of both parties and I very much dislike some of the views of both parties. That leaves me in a bit of a pickle. So, as election day nears and I have no idea who I am voting for there is one thing that I am sure of.......hence this blog.

I am very proud to be an American and live in this great country. Not that I have lived in another country, but I don't feel that I really need to, in order to know that I wouldn't trade this country for anything in the world. (Kinda like I don't need to be shot, to know that I don't want to be!!!)

I got this little post idea from an email that was sent to me by my brother.....who is a veteran......and whom I respect more than he knows. I would like to share it with you all.

It is entitled "The Sack Lunches".

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 'Chicago - to Great Lakes Base. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Iraq' After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached Chicago, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time. As I reached for my wallet, I overheard soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to Chicago ' His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq; it's almost like you are doing it for him.' Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.' After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars. Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, an said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed in Chicago I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.' Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little... A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check Made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in This country who no longer understand it.'

Ok – you all know that it doesn’t take much to make me cry and this little story is no exception. I barely made it through it before needing a box of Kleenex. What a wonderful story. True or not……many of us would do exactly what the man did in this story. And the definition at the end is priceless….and it is absolutely true. American’s need to remember what our soldiers are fighting for and what we should be supporting……whether we agree with this war or not…..our troops are doing the job they signed up to do. No one has been drafted as of yet and we hope that doesn’t happen. I, for one, support our troops with everything in me and more. I love my country and I love the men and women who stand up and fight for it and say “sleep tight, I’m watching over you tonight!”

Thanks again to all the soldiers fighting now, here and abroad and to all the veteran’s who have already done the job. Most of all, my heart goes out to the families of the lost soldiers, past and present. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten. GOD BLESS YOU ALL and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Vacation......aaaahhhhhh!!!!

2008-07-21T08:58:00.008-06:00

As most of you know, Chanelle and I went on a little vacation a couple weeks ago. We left on the 6th and returned on the 13th. It was a full week of complete relaxation.

We went to visit my best friend Lindalee (from College). It has been about 2 or 3 years since I have seen her and that was when she was home for a funeral. She lives in northern Idaho, Coeur d'Alene to be exact (even though I thought it was Hayden). I have never been to Coeur d'Alene before and now I can't wait to go back. It is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful up there. She has a beautiful home right by the high school and a (family) cabin on Coeur d'Alene Lake.

I got to spend time with her extended family and they are wonderful people as well. I had met her husband Rex before, but never really got to know him until this trip. He is quite the catch, but then again I think he's pretty lucky as well. It was fantastic to see Carissa (her daughter), who was pretty much my daughter at one point in her life. She still has a teddy bear that I gave her about 18 or 19 years ago. She is a mommy now and has a beautiful little girl that is the spitting image of her mother. Rex's daughter, Addison, is with them for the summer and she is a real sweetheart. I missed seeing Chauntel (another daughter) because she is serving our country in the Army right now. God Bless and thank you for all you do Chauntel !!

We went to Silverwood, an amusement park, and had a blast there as well. I rode the Panic Plunge (a free fall ride) twice. Lindalee said that she wished she would have had a picture of my face the first time. Apparently it was priceless!! We got drenched on the river rapid ride. It took me all day to dry out, but helped keep me cool all day. Chanelle, Addison, Lindalee and I had the old fashioned saloon picture taken and we look like some mean bitches!!! It was a lot of fun.

I would love to have spent more time on the lake, but like an idiot........I kinda forgot that spending 3 days in the sun and not drinking much water can cause a little dehydration and.....

well.........I was a sick puppy for a about a day and a half. I felt ridiculous because I am definitely old enough to know better, but everyone was great and took care of me. I came home with a pretty killer tan though.

All in all, I think Chanelle had a great time and so did I. It was a much needed, fun and relaxing time. Thank you Lindalee and family for making my summer something to remember. I can't wait to do it again!! Loves and kisses to all!!

It all seems to be ending.......

2008-06-05T16:11:00.007-06:00

Well - graduation came and went and my baby girl is on her own. She moved out the day after graduation. (On only two hours of sleep I might add!!) I was really proud of myself because I actually made it through graduation with only one (yes only 1) kleenex. A couple of tears fell as she walked in, walked across the stage to get her "empty" diploma and when she walked out. So, much to the surprise of others around me and myself, I didn't bawl and carry on like a two year old. Now, that's not to say that that hasn't happened. I tell ya, I did great through the all night party, the moving endless amounts of her crap on only two hours sleep and leaving her apartment at 9:54 pm that night - after putting together a 6 foot shelf (all by myself even). But then monday roled around and the tears started and up until last night were still falling, and at some of the most inopportune times as well. Chanelle, you may have left home, but you will never leave my heart. Thank you for the gray hair, the wrinkles, the stretch marks, the bags under my eyes and the ulcers. Thank you for the laughs, the tears and the pains that I have been so blessed to experience while raising you. Thank you for being my best friend at times and for trusting me to lead you in the right direction.....even though sometimes my judgment wasn't the greatest. Most of all, Thank you for being the greatest daughter any mother could hope for. I love you and I miss you!

Her graduation was great and didn't last nearly as long as I had dreaded it lasting. The speaker was great - his advice to the graduates was simply this....."Pick a career that makes you happy - Money isn't everything!" That brings me to the next ending in my life. I have chosen a career that makes me very happy and the money isn't that great. I have struggled my entire life to survive and still be able to give my kids everything they could ever need or want. I truly enjoy what I do and my choice would not change if I had it to do all over. During my career I have been blessed to work with some of the greatest people you would ever want to meet. One of these such people is retiring this month and so ends a long standing working relationship. I have survived the retirement of several people through out my career but I will tell you this is one that I am only hoping to survive. The Honorable Judge Mark A. Beebe is retiring after 23 years of being a Magistrate Judge. I have had the honor of working with him for the last 4 years and have thoroughly enjoyed it. He is one of the most caring individuals I have ever met in my life. I have blogged about this man before and believe me, he deserves retirement. No one has ever worked so hard to change peoples lives for the better, and he is a great example to anyone who knows him. So as my time with Judge Beebe, known as "The Wizard" to me, comes to an end.....I salute you sir..........thank you so much for all of the wisdom you so graciously bestow upon me daily, thank you for your patience while I learn, thank you for your understanding when I fail, thank you for trusting me to make decisions and walk alone sometimes and for picking me up when I fall. Most of all..........Thank you for just being you.

So as my life seems to have some endings............it also has some new beginnings and I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead for me. I am sure that the lessons learned from these two people,who are so important to me, will carry me over, around and through all of the obstacles that might stand in the way. Thank you both for being a part of my life and know that my prayers and love go with you as you start the next chapter of your lives.

You're Gonna Miss This

2008-04-09T09:52:00.017-06:00

So.........yesterday I go home, like I do after a very long day, and am just looking forward to relaxing. Much to my dismay there is a package sitting on the desk. The package that I hoped would never come. My daughter's graduation package containing her cap and gown and her graduation invitations. Needless to say the crying fest began and didn't stop until I could no longer keep my eyes open. I am truly not ready for this step in my daughter's life. I cried so much, not just because she is graduating and going out on her own, but because my kids are growing up way to fast. I heard a song the other day and it really hit home for me.....it's by Trace Adkins and it's titled "Your Gonna Miss This".

Chanelle has been quite the little traveler in the last couple weeks. She recently returned from Yuma Arizona where she spent her spring break courtesy of her grandparents. (side note: they spoiled her rotten.....as usual) At any rate, I went to Salt Lake City to pick her up on Monday, March 31st. She sent me a text message as soon as her plane was on the ground to make sure that I was waiting for her. She nearly knocked a man down the escalator when she saw me and took off running down the thing to get to me. We cried like we hadn't seen each other for months. We were fortunate enough to have her bag be the first out on the conveyor and we were off. We had made plans to stop and see Grant, my 14 year old son, in Clinton, Utah. We arrived at his house and spoke briefly with his father in the front yard before knocking on the door. This tall, extremely good looking kid answered the door and I about asked if Grant was home. Chanelle and I were stunned at how much he has changed since November. That was the last time he was able to come and stay with us. He has grown close to a foot since then. He has changed so much that even Dave didn't know who he was from a picture in my office. Dave asked me who the guy was hanging all over our daughter. He couldn't believe it was Grant.

To totally top of the idea that they are growing up, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.........I had to go to the High School with Dakota, to register him for his freshman year. It seems like just yesterday when I became his mom. He was all of 3 years old and didn't like the idea of having to share his dad with me. Now he calls me mom and I proudly call him son. I didn't need to give birth to him to be his mother. I love him as much as I do my own.

So - they are growing up and I am getting old and the world keeps turning..........but that's the way it should be and I am starting to get used to it......(a little bit). One thing I know for sure, I am gonna miss this!!

I can't take it any more....

2008-03-07T15:04:00.006-07:00

Well, it's about time I stop neglecting this little blog of mine. Not that a lot of people read it anyway, but I have been told (by a very close friend) that in my current state of mind, it couldn't hurt to spew away.

I am really bent lately that I seem to have become the housemaid. I am not called the loving wife or doting mother......I think I am lucky if I am called anything that doesn't constitute a word requiring asterisk and percentage signs to remain "G" rated. You see the family, loving little creatures (all 6 of them) that they are, seem to never be around when any work needs to be done. And if they are......well they are really good at ignoring it. I know I am the only one who notices that the mirrors/doors/glass need cleaning to see into or out of. I am pretty sure that unless they were to trip and hurt themselves, nothing would ever get picked up and put in it's proper place without my help. I know that we could grow new cultures for some sort of genetic research if I didn't diligently clean the toilets in the house on a weekly basis. The garbage gets taken out when "I" cannot seem to get another thing into the sack or I lose at the game. The family will gently stack whatever they are throwing out, so as not to disturb the bag that is resting so nicely in it's can. (As if they are playing a game of "trash Jenga" or something - "oooo, be careful, don't knock over the tower of trash!!!") The dishes are only done when I can't stand the smell coming from the sink area, there are no more clean dishes or I scream at the top of my lungs at my son to get the damn things done (because that is the only job he is supposed to do, without being asked.....well I am to the point, I don't ask anymore, I yell!!) My daughter refuses to do dishes, because....and this just slays me......she doesn't like the way it makes her hands feel. OMG - what do her hands feel like when she gets out of the hour and a half shower/bath or whatever it is she's doing for that long with the water heater working overtime to provide her precious butt with enough hot water to bath half of the free world!!!

And the biggest obstacle weighing on my mind - LAUNDRY - well, that's my life - if I don't have at minimum - 12 to 15 batches of laundry every weekend, then either something is horribly wrong in the Chavez home, or one or more of them have not been home for a couple days. My sweet, precious daughter changes her clothes a minimum of 3 times a day and nothing can be worn twice...at least not in the same month!! My son is about the same, only with him....this is how it goes. He gets up in the morning and puts something on. Gets somewhat ready for school and decides that he doesn't look cool enough in what he first put on and changes into something totally different. The problem with this is, the first outfit falls to the floor and eventually ends up in the "dirty" clothes hamper without ever being worn. Then when he gets home from school.......it's time to change into something different yet again.......not pajama's cause it's waaaaay to early for that.....just some shorts or sweats or another pair of comfortable jeans. These items of clothing are worn for approximately 2 hours before he has dinner and then it's shower time..........where yet another change of clothing will occur......still not the pj's.....nooo not quite bed time yet. This will be less clothing that the after school change, but not quite down to the skivies he wears to bed. A different pair of shorts/sweats and another t'shirt because any of the other's he wore earlier are completely unacceptable when you get out of the shower. Then at bedtime, well, the shorts (fresh after shower) and ANOTHER t'shirt are acceptable. My loving husband only changes clothes twice a day......his nice clothes or uniform for work and then the after work clothing. I seem to be the only one who wears the same clothing from the time I get dressed in the morning until I retire for the evening. WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE DOING THE LAUNDRY???? My daughter will assist, when she wants something, but it is usually all of her clothes and what she finds in her bathroom, the kitchen and a few things that may have made their way to the laundry room. She would not dare actually get the dirtly clothes hampers from her brother's room or our room. That would be far to much to ask. My son says that he would do the laundry, but with the amount of dish soap he uses for one sink full of dishes - I wouldn't have enough laundry soap for all 15 loads. My husband says that he would help, but it's never good enough for me.....his way of deliberately doing it wrong so that I don't want him to touch the laundry.

At any rate......I have had all of the fun I want have. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!

2008-01-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

IT'S A BRAND NEW YEAR......or is it??

Happy New Year everyone. Hope everyone's holidays were as wonderful as mine. I was lucky - had all of my kids home, save the one who's dad doesn't think he should ever spend a holiday with me. Trav was able to be home from the Army and spend Christmas with us, so that was a present in and of itself. At any rate, the kids seemed to be rather happy with what they received from everyone and I was just excited to get it all over with. I really don't like shopping and this year it was really a pain because we had to wait until the weekend before Christmas to even get anything. I was able to spend some (very little) time with my niece and nephew, who were visiting from Colorado Springs. We met for lunch on said shopping weekend and it was great to see them both again.

So now, the new year is upon us and with every passing year, time seems to go faster and faster. Chanelle was loving it when the new year rolled around as she has looked forward to the year "2008" since about the 3rd grade or so. I think that is when she decided that she had had enough of elementary school and could not wait to graduate. Dakota was pretty excited for the new year as well because this will be the year he starts high school. Dave was looking forward to beginning the new year because the sooner it gets here, the sooner the snow goes, baseball starts, the snow melts and he can hit the "GOLF COURSE". I, on the other hand, would like time to just stop right now, let me get caught up with all that has fallen by the wayside and even a little ahead would be good. I don't make new years resolutions anymore.....keeps me from feeling like a loser when I don't follow through with them. Now I just set a goal, keep it in mind and know that "eventually" I will achieve it. I just set the goal, not the time frame.....see what I am getting at here? Oh....and the worst part of starting a new year........it takes me forever to get the year right when writing the date.

Season's Greetings to Everyone!!

2007-11-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again - the time for everyone to worry about how they are going to pay their bills and afford christmas presents for everyone they know. It is the time of year when I really think about everyone..........my family, my friends, the men and women of the armed forces serving our country, the loved ones who have passed on, those more fortunate than myself and of course, with a heavy heart, those less fortunate than myself. It is at this time of year that I really think about all I have and all I have been given. It's not that I don't think about these things all year, just that at this time of year, when people are consumed with giving, it really comes to the forfront of my mind. I am reminded of everyone who has given something to me, most of which I take for granted and I don't think I am alone in this. Maybe this is the time of year that we should all reflect on ourselves, be grateful for what we have and thank those who are responsible for it.

First, let me start with my family - You are all so wonderful - thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. Without fail, you are there when I need you, be it happy times or times of sadness you are right there to lean on and show support. You all have no idea what that means to me. Because I don't say it as often as I should, THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU.

Secondly, my friends - I have so many friends. I am so fortunate to have each and every one of you in my life. I love you all more than words can say.

Next, it goes without saying, I am very grateful to the men and women of our armed forces fighting for our country domestically or abroad. One soldier, who I care for in particular, is on my mind daily. Be safe out there and know that you are loved and appreciated.

I would say that for the most part in thinking of those who have passed on, I am very selfish. I want them here, with us, celebrating the holidays, family and friends. I have to believe that their beautiful souls are in a better place but my heart still holds the empty space that they once filled.

To those of you more fortunate than myself - I pray you use your wealth, power and influence in a positive manner - to further prosperity and to assist in assuring safety and security for all mankind.

Last but certainly not least, to those of you less fortunate than myself. I CARE, I am here for anyone who needs a helping hand. I pledge that if I cannot help, I will do my best to find someone who can. I spend my life dealing with people who have made less than honorable decisions in their lives and I believe that everyone can change if they have the desire. I care more than anyone knows. I pray that anyone who needs a helping hand gets it, that anyone who needs a morsel of food is fed, that anyone who needs shelter finds it and to anyone who feels that they are at the end of their rope, tie a knot and HANG ON. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it's hard to know how long the tunnel is or how many twists and turns there will be along the way.

I will close this post by saying thank you to all of those who have stood by my side through the good, the bad and the ugly. You know who you are and I hope you know how very much I appreciate all you do for me. Take care this holiday season - Merry Christmas and may your new year be filled with all you wish for.

Dedicated to AMERICA'S HEROES

2007-11-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

AND GONE AGAIN...

Okay - so this is just a little follow up to the previous post, but hang in there folks.....I'll have something else soon.

Travis is off to Fort Lewis Washington, at least until next August when he is supposed to be deployed to Iraq. My prayers are that he not have to go, that no else has to go and the remaining heroes all come home safe and sound real soon. I put him on the plane Tuesday morning and cried like a baby. It's quite strange really, not having given birth to this boy, but still feeling like the mom. He calls me the "A Mom". (I did confirm that is a good thing!) Anyway, he has called or sent text messages every day and seems to be getting along just fine. He did say that he was freezing parts off of his body however. We had this discussion that it would be colder there than it is here in Idaho because of the humidity, but he didn't believe me and left some of his warmer clothes here (along with his hanging clothes bag that contains his Class A uniforms - couldn't get them on the plane without paying another $75.00 - he had too many bags). I miss him being around the house and one of my dogs is completely lost without him. He was her buddy. She keeps wandering around the house looking for him and curls up with the blanket that he slept with while he was here. It was nice having him here and seeing what a "man" he has become.

I know that this war is a controversial subject and I don't even want to go there......each person is entitled to their own opinion and can scream it at the top of their lungs if they wish and whether it is pro or against the efforts - the irony is they owe that freedom to those who have served, continue to serve and will serve in the future.

My heart and soul goes out to all of those serving this country. YOU are ALL my HEROES!! Of course I pray every day for their safety and the safety of those at home waiting for them to come home. I miss my "son" - he is in my thoughts each and every day and we all look forward to his return.

Be safe out there son and know that your "family" here loves you and prays for you daily. Come home soon!!

He's finally home

2007-11-01T13:42:00.000-06:00

Just got back yesterday from picking up my "adopted" son from the airport in Salt Lake City. He has spent the last 4 months and 10 days completing his basic training and AIT School for the UNITED STATES ARMY. I didn't think we were ever going to get him here. Literally.

What a rollercoaster ride it's been. He hasn't had the best life and wasn't given a fair hand to start out his young impressionable life. He, like many other young people, didn't have any kind of positive guidance growing up. So began the troubled years of becoming a teenager without supervision. Of course that lead to trouble and although many people tried to help along the way, it didn't seem to matter. The damage had been done. At some point though, all things come to an end.....notice I didn't say all "good" things come to an end.

This young man reached the bottom after having too good of a time, one too many times and getting caught. The judge whom I work for is a fair and compassionate judge, but he too has his limits. He placed the young man behind bars and gave him the choice to sit it out or change his life for the positive. You can imagine the decision was not an easy one for this troubled young man, but he did ultimately choose to change his life. I introduced him to a recruiter friend of mine from Pocatello. With the judge's approval, he joined the Army and was shipped out as soon as we could process the paperwork.

The day I dropped him off at the recruiter's office to leave for basic training was one of the worst days and best days of my life. I had taken this young man into my heart as one of my own. He didn't have the support system that other's have when making such a huge step and major decision in his life. I have known this young man for most of his life and know the background very well. He deserved better. I had such a feeling of uneasiness because of the continuing war in Iraq and being worried about what could happen to him, should he be sent over there. I was also very proud of him and felt like "my son" would make it NO MATTER WHAT. I don't know if he shared my optimism at the time, but he soon found out that he was more than capable of doing what was expected of him.

He was a squad leader in basic and in AIT. Yes, you heard me right, a LEADER. I wrote to him on average of once a week while he was in basic training and enjoyed getting the letters from him. I could tell he was growing up and becoming the responsible young man that I knew he was capable of. Although I thought that the first letter from him would be cussing me for encouraging him to do this, it wasn't, in fact at some point he even agreed that he made the right decision for his future. Once he reached AIT, he had access to his cell phone and we were able to talk in person more than write letters. His days of having to write a letter were over......("thank god" were the words he used!) As the time passed by and I knew it was coming closer to the day when he would be able to come home for leave, prior to reporting to his home base, I wondered if he would want to return to "home" as he always knew it or would he just go straight to his first assignment? To my delight, he chose to come HOME.

He is here for about 10 days and we are really happy to have him here. I had to beg him to wear his uniform in to my office today, but he did it for me and he looked great! There were a lot of people looking forward to seeing him. I don't look forward to saying goodbye again, but know that it has to happen. My greatest hope, wish and prayer is that it will not be the last time I see him. ("Please god, keep him safe and bless all the other troops who fight to keep us free!") God Bless Our Troops!!

And as they say........the rest is history. He's finally home!

The BLAH's (or was that blues??)

2007-10-18T12:47:00.000-06:00

Lately I have felt rather blah......not really sure why......maybe it's the change in seasons, since I am a very fair weather kinda gal, and I am NOT looking forward to winter and the friggin' snow. Maybe it's Chanelle turning 18 and knowing I have to let her go. Maybe its that Dakota, my 13 year old stepson (who I love like my own), is struggling in school right now and I am too stupid to help with the DAMN algebra he has. At any rate, I have no idea as to why I have the blah's but I DO and THEY SUCK!!!

To add to this blah situation, I work in a place that for the most part doesn't help in the area of cheering people up, that is unless the gavel (in the courtroom) swings their way. Now most of the time, it really doesn't matter to me which way the gavel swings, but there are times when it is just down right unjust. I have to do my job no matter what, but it is easier when I agree with the sentencing and feel that fairness was considered. I will say that for the most part, our Judge sentences people appropriately and I only disagree about a quarter of the time.

I can't really go into anything in great detail (names and such) as these are real people and real situations (confidentiality issues...you undertand), but sometimes the punishments just don't fit the crime. The Judge I work with most is a wonderful man. He has a bigger heart than any Judge I have ever known. He cares about people so much that he put a homeless man in our drug court. (That was a little tricky there, considering he had to have an address and phone to be eligible to participate to begin with.) But, as the Judge said, we worked it out and now that man is doing remarkably well. It will be a while before he is completely back on his feet, but he has a job, a place to live, a cell phone and some money in his pocket. I tell you, when the Judge sentenced him, I thought he had lost his friggin' mind (the Judge I mean). I thought the cheese had done slipped off the cracker there. The story goes something like this....the homeless man got a DUI (Driving under the influence) while traveling through our town on his way to court in another jurisdiction (for the same offense I believe). His truck was towed (and later re-possessed) due to the amount of incarceration he had to serve. He was released from our jail into the hands of the jurisdiction he was on his way to, with the promise he made to our Judge that he would return to our county and apply for our Drug Court. My Judge had to talk (email) a lot to convince the Judges in the other jurisdiction that he would take this gentleman back and put him in our drug court and make a normal ordinary responsible person (NORP - a term the drug court uses - would be the opposite of slick or slug - we'll save that for another blog) out of him. One of the Judges that he emailed actually laughed in his return email, one Judge refused to believe that this gentleman could be helped and then finally a Judge decided to give the guy a shot, once he completed a certain period of incarceration time. I honestly didn't think I would ever hear from the homeless man again. But, much to my surprise, I got a call from the guy the day after he was released from the other jurisdiction. We bought him a bus ticket from there to here and he has been a productive member of our drug court since. I guess there is a lesson to be learned there....never second guess the Judge. He truly is the wizard (also for another blog).

I know the Judge's wisdom far exceeds mine and I really try hard not to second guess or arm-chair quarterback him or any other Judge for that matter. I don't have the coldest heart in the county like most people may believe. I think, for the most part, I truly care about people, or I wouldn't do what I do. I see justice served most days and I am very grateful to live where I do. There aren't many crimes that would make a person's blood boil around here and that's a good thing because for those really horrific crimes my idea of the punishment is no longer acceptable, but you know there are times when I wish I could hear a sentencing go something like it did many years ago.......

The following is a verbatim transcript of a sentence imposed upon a defendant convicted of murder in the Federal District Court of the Territory of New Mexico by a United States Judge sitting in Taos in an adobe stable used as a temporary courtroom.

"Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, in a few short weeks it will be spring. The snows of winter will flee away, the ice will vanish and the air will become soft and balmy. In short, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, the annual miracle of the year's awakening will come to pass-----but you won't be here.

The rivulet will run its purring course to the sea, the timid desert flowers will put forth their tender shoots, the glorious valleys of the imperial domain will blossom as the rose; still you won't be here to see.

From every treetop some wild woods songster will carol his mating song, butterflies will sport in the sunshine, the busy bee will hum happily as it pursues its accustomed vocation, the gentle breeze will tease the tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, will be glad but you. You won't be here to enjoy it because I command the sheriff or some other officer or officers of this county to lead you out to some remote spot, swing you by the neck from a nodding bough of some sturdy oak and let you hang until you are dead.

And then, Jose Manuel Miguel Xavier Gonzales, I further command that such officer or officers retire quickly from your dangling corpse, that the vultures may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body, until nothing shall remain but the bare, bleached bones of a cold-blooded, copper-colored, blood-thirsty, throat-cutting, chili-eating, sheepherding, murdering........."

(disclosure - I AM NOT A PREJUDICE PERSON, my last name (for those of you who know me) should explain enough, but this sentencing was awesome and would still have remained so in my mind if imposed on a "WHITE" person.)

Well....that definately clears the web...............

This is my life.....

2007-10-15T10:49:00.000-06:00

Well, it happened....as much as I dreaded it....as much as I wished the day would never come......it happened anyway. My baby girl, my only baby girl......my little, tiny.....well you get the picture...SHE TURNED 18 !!!!!

I am having a harder time with her turning 18, than when I turned 40 (god that looks bad, maybe I should have spelled out that number!!) At any rate, I guess I never thought that the day would come when I would want time to stop and be able to turn back the clock. Hell, most days I can't wait for the hands to run around the clock. I really didn't even care about turning back the clock knowing I was turning forty (yea... looks much better spelled out!!). BUT this is a totally different story.

She truly has been a light at the end of every tunnel I have found myself crawling through for the last 18 years of my life anyway. I remember what a wonderful baby she was (after she finally decided to grace us with her presence that is!!). I remember how happy she was in the mornings - and for the most part she still is a pretty happy person in the mornings. I have always gone into her room in the morning with my usual "good morning baby girl" and she still gets the same smile on her face now that she did when she was a baby. She doesn't know it, but most days that is what makes my day great from the start. Who needs folgers, I have her. I am really struggling with this senior year, turning 18, preparing for college, etc. etc. etc. I am just not ready for her to be an adult and move on with her life. I know, what a selfish mother I am huh? Don't get me wrong here, I will never hold her back, and I wish her the very best (obviously) that life has to offer out there, but I don't want her to do it without me. It's not that I don't think she can - just that I want to be a part of everything she does. I have always tried to be her friend and for the most part I know we are - but I am a mother first and a friend second and that at times is difficult for her. She knows what I tolerate and what I absolutely detest and thankfully has never really pushed the envelope with me (knocking on wood here...) She has made some wrong decisions at times, but has fully fessed up and we have dealt with them and both learned from them. She has also made some very mature decisions, so I know she can go out into that big, bad, scary, adult world with a good head on her shoulders and make the world her own. The problem I am having is that little voice inside my head keeps telling me that she is still a baby and needs to be protected all the time. Can I let go, so she can grow??? (oh my.......I need to stop this - that sounded really corny) Any advice???????

That clears the web for now..........

It's NEW to me!!

2007-10-11T09:37:00.000-06:00

So this is my first shot at something that I hope will be a stress relief and a way to express my opinions (right, wrong or indifferent) to others and get some feedback that could potentially broaden my horizons and maybe open my cynical mind a bit!!

My niece has been after me for some time to start this blog and assures me that it will help with my over-taxed mind and anxiety level.

I am, as stated in my profile, an adult misdemeanor probation officer and my main job is as the Drug Court Coordinator. I took over the coordinator position last August (2006) and it has been a struggle, but for the most part pretty rewarding to assist others in changing their lives.

I turned the "F" word (40) this year and so goes the struggles of the dreaded "middle age" that I was definitely dreading and am still hating the idea of. It took me the entire decade from 30 to 40 to accept that I was no longer 20 something - so I have decided that this last birthday was the last one that I will ever "Celebrate". I know turning 40 is better than the alternative and I am certainly not wanting my life to be over, but I cannot even begin to comprehend the idea of becoming 50 anything!!!

Most of my blogs will no doubt be nothing more than babbling about what ever may be on my feeble mind at the time, but hopefully will be entertaining at times to those that choose to read and leave comments.

Some may be wondering why I chose to title my blog site "Blackwidow's Web" - well - it's like this. My nickname for many years now has been "The Blackwidow" and was coined by my ex-husband. His last name being Black and our divorce was somewhat less than civil - so he starting calling me The Blackwidow - to everyone that would listen. Now, I find this a bit ironic since we all know what happens to the blackwidow's male counterpart once she has had enough of him. I have proudly carried the moniker since that time and pretty much everyone who knows me, knows me as "The Blackwidow". Hence the Blackwidow's Web signifies my own mind.

Okay - ya'll - that's it for now. Gotta wait for the web to fill with new morsals to write about!! Will post again soon - Please feel free to comment and give me ideas to blog about!!! Till then...................